the world is moving (now)
by fluffeels
Summary: If you carefully read the definition of the word pitiful in the dictionary, you'll notice something at the bottom of the entry that looks like— see also: Moriyama Yoshitaka. (In which Izuki is an angry young man with serious pun issues, Imayoshi is the spawn of Satan, and way too many side characters are unnecessarily involved.) / [AU. multiple pairings; mainly morizuki.]
1. chapter one

A/N: HAPPY MORIZUKI DAY! Yes, 5/5. Yes. I don't know where this fic came from but yes. I wrote most of this while listening to kan-san's cover of 'about me' and singing it to my nephew (who's back in The U.S.A. now sigh), then edited most of this while reading fantaestic's morizuki drabbles and giggling over them and just— these idiots ; A ; my beta kurokonnichiwa is the best person and like, I'm so sorry for this. Izuki is basically another person and Moriyama is the most pitiful creature and I love him so much HELP. Publishing House AU with multiple pairings and warnings below. Reviews are really appreciated and I hope you enjoy!

~5300 words and an ocean of tears. cover image's artist's pixiv id: 712924.

pairings: moriyama/izuki. imayoshi/hanamiya+sakurai. aomine/kise. akashi/furihata.  
almost nonexistent but still there lol: midorima/takao. miyaji/hayama. murasakibara/himuro. fem!mitobe/fem!koganei+tsuchida. kagami/kuroko.

warnings: potty mouth izuki w/ a broken heart, suggestive content, sassy imayoshi and a very pitiful moriyama, kirisaki daichi are dogs, bad pick-up lines and even worse puns, genderbent mitobe and koganei, doraemon.

disclaimer: none of these characters are mine (except that one old timer) and everything belongs to their own creators; I'm just an idiot who spends too much time crying over everything.

* * *

chapter one

Izuki had been working in the Seirin Publishing House for almost a year now, and he had learned that pretty much every single person in his department was either an idiot or a dick, and sometimes all he wanted to do was to walk up to the biggest freak around, the CEO of Seirin Publishing, and punch him in the face after telling him how horrible his employment skills were.

But he couldn't do that, could he?

So instead of beating someone up, he walked into the break room and lit his third (or was it the fourth?) cigarette that day because people who didn't appreciate his puns were stupid. It's not like he didn't know how lame they were at times, but no one other than himself had the right to say that. Honestly, he never went around calling their authors lame when they wrote about how _Sakura/Nanami/Mitsuki/Shoujo-chan's heart was beating so fast and so loud that it felt like it was going to burst_, so people should just shut up and understand the beauty of puns— his puns.

He was in the middle of contemplating life and smoking his sixth (or seventh?) cigarette when two girls from the production department entered the break room and instantly turned their attention to him. He was, after all, the cool unapproachable black-haired senpai all the girls (at least the ones who never spoke to him directly) loved to fantasize about.

He smiled at them and took a drag of the cigarette as he tried to remember their names. The shorter one with the cat-like face _had_ to be Shinji— _everyone_ knew her. She was the one who fell to her knees and started crying when it was announced that _the_ Kise Ryouta, that big shot model everyone's been having the hots for, was confirmed to play the lead role in the drama adaptation of a novel she had helped proofread. Everyone teased her for being a big fangirl the rest of the week and that was the only reason Izuki remembered her. Not because she had an extremely flat chest that he accidentally touched while he helped her stand or anything. Not because of that. That never happened. That incident never occurred at all.

The other insanely tall girl was the mystery though. Izuki could swear that he had never heard her speak, but somehow all the English books she helped translate ended up getting great reviews. She seemed kind of scary though, what with the whole eyes that stare into your soul and the constant eerily all-knowing smile and of course, the height. She easily towered over Izuki and that made him kind of angry, but there was no way in hell that he would resume drinking those stupid height-increasing drinks his mom forced down his throat all those years. No way in hell.

"Izuki-san, still smoking your way to the grave, eh?" Shinji said as she pressed some buttons on the coffee machine.

"I don't want to hear that from someone who's going to go broke and cry her way to the grave. I know all about the Kise Ryouta magazines you've been—"

"PLEASE GET ME SOME CUPS, RIN-CHAN."

Izuki laughed and looked at the tall girl— Rin. Right, that was her name. It suited her too. But really, _Rin_ suited anyone with short hair, in his opinion. Or maybe it was because of his younger sister's vocaloid figurines (that Izuki was coerced into buying) lying all around his house that he had formed such an impression.

Rin handed Shinji the cups and patted her head while Shinji smiled back, but Izuki felt this weird…prick in his heart. It made him feel like he was intruding on something, like he was seeing something not meant for him to see. He averted his gaze and took another long drag of his cigarette as he decided to head back. He should've returned to his department minutes ago anyway. They were in deep shit because of some calculation mistake an intern did and everyone had been freaking out since last week. Izuki only wanted to take a small break here, but his small break got extended to about half an hour and he hoped that there was no bloodshed back in finances yet.

He had thrown the snub away and fixed his tie when Shinji asked him if he would like some cold coffee. And for a moment, there was a twinkle in Izuki's eyes as he replied, "No thanks. Cold coffee isn't good for my throat. It makes me kind of, you know, _cough-y._"

It took a few seconds for Shinji to understand the pun, and when she finally did, she giggled — uncomfortably, but _hah_, at least she giggled — while Rin simply did her thing, viz. stared into Izuki's soul and continued smiling as always. Their reactions were alright, way better than the other shits in finances, and he amicably excused himself from the break room.

He wondered if he really would smoke his way to his grave. It would suck if he died before he watched Life of Pi or visited a desert (because that one anime ending his younger sister showed him made Izuki want to live in a desert forever). If he was to die before watching Life of Pi— or if he died in a desert before watching Life of Pi— in a desert— dessert—

"I'd die before pie."

He cackled to himself and continued walking towards his department with no particular thought in his mind except the bloodshed that might or might not be happening there and, of course, Life of Die. Wait— Pi.

It didn't take him much time to reach his department, which sucked because he hated his god damn department, and he pushed the door open. All he did was mutter a weak, "Well, fuck," at the sight before him.

* * *

When Moriyama woke up that day, he realized that he hated four things with a burning passion: deadlines, dead lines, editors and tomatoes.

Maybe the reason he came to that conclusion was because that day was the deadline for sending his manuscript to his devil editor — who had, by the way, sent those two delinquents, as always, to his place last night to yell outside his door to keep him awake until his neighbours called the police — by email, and he realized that his phone line was dead and so was his broadband, and all he had at an arm's reach was a tomato which he mistook for a stress ball and now there was tomato…_goo_ everywhere.

Or maybe the reason he came to that conclusion was because—

No, there's no other reason.

Therefore, he proceeded to laugh, cry, apologize to his neighbours as they glared at him and nervously looked at the red stains on his body, clean the tomato goo he was covered in, apologize to the person in room 506 again and beg for his WiFi password, cry some more and then sleep like a log for the rest of the day. All in that very order.

* * *

Really, of all the things he was coerced into doing, i.e. buying stupid vocaloid and anime merchandise for his younger sister and stupid exfoliating scrubs and pimple removing creams for his older sister, _this _was the most ridiculous thing of all time. He was sitting in a bloody pub with about a dozen people from finances, all because that god damn HOD of theirs finally decided to show up after a week's absence and ended up settling all the fucked up accounts in the 30 minutes Izuki tried to smoke his sorrows away. And there was more. He had just announced that they'd all be going out for drinks after work, prodigal HOD's treat or something, when Izuki had entered the place.

So, of course, all the finance people had started to sob or whoop or faintand Izuki had been unlucky enough to enter at such a time when they all looked like deranged animals who had escaped a zoo.

Izuki's first response was, "I can't make it, I'm sorry. I've got some other things planned already." But that was obviously ignored by the HOD who simply said, "I'm sure you can shift those other things to some other day, yeah?"

All the other excuses he made as they walked towards the guy's office were brushed off in the same manner by that son of a bitch until Izuki finally snapped and said, "Listen up, Tsuchida. Don't think you can force me into this one because you're my senior and a few months older than me. I swear to god I will kill you."

Tsuchida only laughed and said, "Oh come on, lighten up a bit. What's wrong with hanging out with some of the people here for a while?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong with hanging out with some of the people here for a while. They're all idiots. I-D-I-O-T-S. Yeah, I spelled it out for you. Do you want some more information on that?"

"Izuki, calm—"

"NO. They don't ever understand the puns. _The puns. _I don't care if they've graduated from the best universities or if they've got more work experience than me. If they can't show outward appreciation for puns, they're trash."

Tsuchida sighed at Izuki's little outburst and gestured for Izuki to sit down, while he took a seat in the chair on the other side of the table in his own little office. Izuki knew that the guy had been away on a business trip and a whiny subordinate was the last thing he would have wanted to deal with on getting back, but Izuki had decided that he didn't want to go and that was final.

"See, the others really respect you when it comes to your work okay? It's just that, your puns, well, not everyone's got the same sense of humour."

Izuki stared at the glass paperweight on the table and chose to sulk. Again, Tsuchida sighed and said, "Izuki, stop being like that. Socializing is good, and what do you know, you may just find someone else who likes puns!"

"You…think so?" Izuki asked as he processed what Tsuchida said, his resentment against his colleagues fading away a bit. He was judging the entire department because of a few people anyway. Maybe— yeah, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"I _do _think so!"

"I'm not so sure…"

"Then maybe I'm not so sure about your salary next month either."

"You -censored-!"

Therefore, Izuki had been pulled into this bullshit pub and with every sip of saké he only felt more regret surging within him and yes, the nausea. Well, nausea was good for the time being, he figured. It would give him an excuse to get out of there as soon as possible. He'd been here for almost an hour now, and no one seemed to notice him. It was better than being told "I didn't expect you to be like this! You seemed like a different person before," as always, but he was bored.

And not to mention that his cigarettes had been confiscated by that asshole Tsuchida along with all the contents of his wallet except the taxi fare home. All Izuki wanted was to throw up a little and leave the gathering. Was that too much to ask?

"Izuki-san, I didn't notice you here!"

Izuki blinked at the man speaking to him. His extremely intelligent reply was a, "Huh?" followed by a, "What?" after a considerable length of time had passed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, you don't know me. I'm Furihata. I work in management accounting. I joined a few weeks back, but I've heard a lot about you from the others."

The guy was literally beaming and Izuki couldn't help but notice how much of _white _his eyes had. If he was really, really drunk, he would have totally touched Furihata's eyes, but thankfully he wasn't _that_ drunk yet, so he simply smiled at the guy.

"It's nice to meet you. And you've heard about me?"

While they fished for their business cards and exchanged them, Furihata began, "Well, I've heard that you're amazing at your job. You've helped your subdivision get out of many sticky situations but you're kind of smoking your way to the grave. Oh, how do you read the kanji in your first name?"

Izuki laughed and downed another glass of saké, even though his head had begun to spin a bit. "Shun. It's read as Shun." He looked at Furihata once more. "So, what's up? Need some help with your job?"

"O-Oh no, not with my job. But help, yes. I need your help. Kind of."

"Go on."

"I just met you and uh, this may sound weird but I don't _mean_ to be weird but I—well, I've heard that you've got admirers and that you're good with relationships so I wanted your advice on some things."

Izuki wanted to laugh. The guy seemed so nervous— but cute too?

"Hmm. What else have you heard about me though? You don't seem to be very good at hiding things," Izuki said, looking into his empty glass for some saké to magically appear. "But yeah, ask me whatever."

Furihata rubbed the back of his head and looked into his own glass as he said, "I've been told you're really, uh, passionate about puns."

His voice had turned kind of soft, and Izuki couldn't help but pat his back in an attempt to communicate that it was alright; Furihata didn't need to feel bad for him.

"It's true man, I really _am_ pa-shun-ate."

Apparently Furihata didn't have to look twice to understand the now-you-laugh-or-I-will-kill-you look that Izuki was giving him, and he tittered uncomfortably, his gaze fixed on his glass. Izuki was surprised that the guy was capable of making such a sound and he laughed, hoping that there were more cute kids like him around.

But then the nausea took over and Izuki carefully picked up his bag, cautiously got up from his seat, solemnly walked to the end of the table, made sure that he was out of everyone's sight, and desperately ran to the closest restroom like his life depended on it. (And it kind of really did, to be honest.)

* * *

"So, Izuki-san," Furihata started, his heart still beating fast in fear of the man next to him because that look he was given was actually quite scary. "I just wanted some advice from you."

He hadn't stopped staring into his glass and he wondered if Izuki even heard him. It seemed like Furihata was talking to the saké more than anything. He slowly looked to the side and—

"Wha— Where did you go!?"

* * *

He did not get told by his devil editor to get some real life experience in homosexuality before he started writing about it.

He did not get stripped and dressed again and pushed out of his own house and into some black car by said devil.

He did not leave the vehicle out of his own free will when the Indian driver with the weird turban called him a pitiful homo.

He did not walk straight to the gay bar he'd been researching all evening which was now standing tall and proud right in front of him.

He did not laugh at himself because he seriously used the words straight and gay together in a sentence in his inner monologue.

He did not turn ninety degrees to the right and pass by the bar and neither did he run into the teenage delinquents who never let him sleep at night.

He did not turn around again on seeing their smirking faces and start walking towards the bar because seeing them was definitely not traumatic for him.

He did not have a panic attack and kind of pee in his pants as he stood in front of the door again.

He did not enter the place and take a seat in the corner alone in fear of being beaten up by either those delinquents or the three hellishly tall men in suits who passed by him.

He did not order alcohol worth half of his salary per month, and he definitely did not start crying for the third time that day.

…

Well, except he did.

* * *

Izuki had already named himself as The King of Bad Decisions when he was in high school, and his latest decision only made him realize how much smarter he was back then than now. He had this disgustingly rancid taste in his mouth, and instead of going back home and calling it a day after throwing up basically everything he'd eaten since morning, he ended up coming _here_.

Incredible Izuki was incredible.

As he pushed the door to enter, he heard two things simultaneously: glass breaking way too loudly—well, maybe it was way too loud because of his sharp headache—and the most sardonic voice in the whole of Japan go, "Ah, isn't that our cute little Mr. Swears-a-lot?"

He barely managed a weak, "Fuck," as he turned on his heel to leave the bar, thinking how big of an idiot he was to even consider that coming here would be a good change of pace for him.

"I'm just messing with you, kid. Have a seat, I haven't seen you in a while."

"You haven't seen me in a while because I was un-a-while-able."

"Ha. Ha. No."

Izuki sighed and turned to the bartender again. The guy seemed to be his usual sarcastic (read: completely sadistic and downright evil) self, and while that would have made Izuki a bit jittery on normal days, it only pissed him off now.

Taking a seat and glancing at his watch, he hissed, "Stop smirking like that. It's late and it's probably giving someone cancer in the world."

"Oh? Looks like someone's in a good mood tonight."

Izuki could _hear_ the smirk in the guy's voice, and that was probably as bad as life could get.

"Please, Imayoshi-san."

The bartender simply snickered and turned his attention to another customer. Izuki took off his coat and loosened his tie even further than it already was and threw it over his shoulder without bothering to check if there was any puke on it. His headache was getting worse, but the one big question bothering Izuki was, how the heck was he having a hangover already? He was three seconds away from believing that there was some imbecile sitting up there, writing his fucked up destiny while giggling nefariously and putting him through all this bullshit.

But Imayoshi gave him his usual drink in approximately two point three seconds, so he chose to think about that imbecile—who most definitely was existent and needed to get a life—later.

"Well, how have things been?" Imayoshi asked, wiping his hands on a towel.

"Hectic. And today was especially incredible."

He then proceeded to tell Imayoshi every single thing that had happened in the past few weeks beginning from the creepy new janitor in Seirin who often popped up out of nowhere and ending with Furihata being the cutest junior in his department and the throwing up in the pub and his glorious escape from there. He also mentioned things about how his family just got weirder by the day and how awesome that one comedian was on TV last night.

Imayoshi seemed to be pretty amused when Izuki was done, and so did the guy sitting next to him, who, as Imayoshi explained, had started visiting ever since Izuki stopped. He introduced himself as Miyaji Kiyoshi, an editor at Shuutoku Publishing— one of Seirin's rivals. All Seirin employees were told to keep a distance from rival companies, especially if they didn't want to get the short end of the stick if things somehow went wrong. That didn't stop him from exchanging business cards and pleasantries with the guy though. They were in a bloody gay bar for god's sake and Izuki had been a total idiot the entire day anyway so, well, why not?

He had almost finished the cocktail when he heard someone cough close to him. He didn't even bother turning because he it wasn't his business if people coughed and he definitely wasn't a nurse to go around carrying cough syrup with him. But then he heard the coughs again and again and he opened his eyes and his headache intensified as the lights suddenly hit his pupils or irises or whatever and Imayoshi was right in front of him and Imayoshi _winked_ at Izuki.

To say that Izuki was horrified would be a gross understatement. (Because rather than _why _he winked— _how_ did he wink!?)

Izuki slowly turned to look at the…cougher. Maybe it was because he was drunk for the second time that night and was also having a premature hangover or something and everything was spinning and blurry all of a sudden, but the guy standing in front of him was— he was—

"I think you owe me a drink."

—a dick.

"Huh? Why the fuck do I owe you a drink?" Izuki snapped, not sure what exactly was spinning, his head or him or the bar or the cougher.

Izuki would later find out through Imayoshi that this was the part of their encounter where the new guy looked so sheepish while trying to put up a front that it was a wonder Imayoshi hadn't taken him right then and there.

But at that moment, to Izuki, it only seemed like the cougher whose features Izuki couldn't properly make out was trying to scratch the back of his head off as he said, "Because I dropped mine when you walked in."

Izuki blinked. Was that a— Did he just— A pick-up line— A godforsaken pick-up line—

Someone used a fucking pick-up line on him. Someone had the nerve to use a _pick-up line_ on him. Someone dared to use a _pick-up line_ on Izuki Shun. On Izuki Fucking Shun.

"Scram," Izuki spat as he turned back to his drink.

"But—"

"DID I FUCKING STUTTER?"

And Izuki didn't spare a glance at the shit as he took his bag in one hand and his coat in the other and walked out of the bar in style.

* * *

That was not how it was supposed to happen. That was not how it was supposed to happen. That was not how it was supposed to happen.

He found his _heart's desire_.

He found his _soul mate_.

He found his _one true love_.

He found his _sun and stars and the moon of his life_.

And he blew it.

He completely blew it. He totally royally blew it.

He should have used the 'My doctor says I'm lacking Vitamin U' line. Or even the 'Have you been to the doctor lately? Cause I think you're lacking some Vitamin Me' line. But of all the wonderful pick-up lines he'd learned and made his protagonists use, he _himself_ ended up using the freaking 'You owe me a drink because I dropped mine when you walked in' line.

The Biggest Idiot in The Entire Universe award belonged to him and only him.

(Though he _did_ drop his drink when his beloved one and only walked in, which made him feel like more of an idiot now.)

But really, he had been writing about first loves and how amazing love is etc but this was the first time he felt this way. Sure, he'd felt that heart-clenching feeling every time characters found love or did not at all, but when he saw _him, _Moriyama's heartbeat _actually_ stopped for a second before his heart started beating faster than ever before. It wasn't like the countless times when he had an adrenaline rush as he tried to escape his death because of his devil editor, nor was it like the times he almost got caught writing teenage romance fiction in school. This was…new.

And even though it felt weird and he had this inner monologue of _why is my heart beating so fast — it's been going doki-doki since the moment I set my eyes on him_, he wasn't sure why he was feeling so drunk. Not drunk in love. Just drunk.

"Do you realize that you've been saying _all_ of that out loud since two hours ago?"

The bartender's voice brought Moriyama back to reality.

"Wait, what?"

The bespectacled man laughed and said, "You've got it real bad." He then smirked and continued, "Is everything you say always so flowery?"

Crap.

"I write, hence the floweriness, I think. But I'm just not having a good day."

The smirk became creepier. "I'm here to listen."

It was a few seconds until Moriyama decided to spill. This guy was a bartender so…he should be okay, right? He seemed creepy but well, whatever. He began but paused after one syllable as he realized certain things. He was talking to a bartender of a gay bar to which he was forcefully sent by his devil editor to get some firsthand experience with homos to write about them for a young female audience and wait. Hold on. Wait. Just a minute. Just. Wait.

"…AM I GAY?"

* * *

He can't remember how he got home but he did and praise the lord for that. He also can't remember know how he ended up with a fever and two overlapping hangovers but praise the lord for his wonderful sister who explained to him that his name was Izuki Shun, not Sena Izumi and definitely not Nase Izumi, and took care of him all night. Having a younger sister who cared for you sometimes was beautiful. He also can't remember which emperor of theirs was born today, but praise the lord for him and their government for declaring today as a public holiday.

But then again, his head was in a weird semi-dead state, and that kind of sucked. He'd been working his ass off to make things okay because of that one useless intern's mistake, and now that Tsuchida had come along and settled the matter, Izuki wasn't sure what he should think of to keep himself occupied. The past few days were only blurry thoughts like _how the fuck do I tell them we don't have money for that anymore_ and _kita ko— oh my god I can't make a pun at such a time_ and now this thoughts were only _was Doraemon always so round _and_ hah, Nobita is still as pitiful as he was when I was a kid._

He needed to think of something else. Not that watching Doraemon made him feel like a loser or anything. He absolutely loved Doraemon and was lucky to have found the channel that aired it, but that's off the point.

The point was that memories of last night made him feel like a big fool. And his biggest regret was that he couldn't remember how the hell that cougher guy even looked. He remembered other things pretty well. Like Furihata, the cute junior in his department who wanted his help or something? He also remembered bitching about his life to Imayoshi (again) and Miyaji (?) from Shuutoku. But the cougher guy— what even happened between them?

Izuki only knew that there was a ghastly pick-up line involved. And any sane person who knew Izuki would have known that using pick-up lines to, well, pick him up, was a big no-no. There actually was a whole traumatic incident involved that made him hate pick-up lines but he chose not to recall it now, while he lay there on the sofa with a wet cloth on his forehead and about a dozen different pills and syrups spread out around him.

He'd never been approached like that before though. Sure, there were people whom he met up with and had on and off relationships with, but those were all through Imayoshi or the bar or other contacts, and no one just walked up to him and uh, picked him up. Izuki found it to be plain weird.

Plain weird like this fever and double hangover and watching Doraemon situation. His sister said that he'd pushed himself too hard and true, he could feel the exhaustion, but he had a feeling that maybe it was because of smoking way too much lately. He had to start cutting back, but he also knew that that was impossible when you're surrounded by humourless idiots all the time.

He groaned and continued his internal whining until his phone vibrated. He picked it up and saw Imayoshi's text that read: You better not forget that you haven't paid for yesterday.

Oh.

* * *

No one asked Imayoshi how he ended up as a bartender in Touou after attending one of the most reputed colleges in the country. But they sure did make up some hilarious stories. Imayoshi had heard from one of his drunken customers that the others thought that Imayoshi had a sugar daddy who wanted him to work in the bar in exchange for whatever he wanted, but he'd also heard from another one that Imayoshi was secretly doing human trafficking or something. And those two thought up reasons were the more realistic ones. He can't help but laugh each time he remembered the UFO theory.

But the only real reason he was doing this job was for the kicks. Drunks were amazing— especially the drunks in a gay bar. Some of the regulars were especially spectacular.

Izuki Shun, for example. He'd been coming to Touou since his college days when Imayoshi had started working. The guy was one big mess of puns. Really, the first thing that Imayoshi heard come flying out of drunk little teenage Izuki was, "I'm going to…wine a lot," as he held up a bottle to his face.

"That's champagne you're holding," Imayoshi had said, to which Izuki only giggled and passed out. Then came Izuki's extreme depression stage when this one guy he loved since high school left the country and his life started revolving around puns and cigarettes and swear words. Oh, and his intense hate for pick-up lines, all thanks to that same guy.

He was still living through the depression stage, but he seemed to be doing better now. And that new guy who appeared today— Moriyama. Imayoshi was interested, especially after the way Izuki made his dramatic exit.

Spectacular regular Izuki Shun, indeed.

And then there was that guy named Hanamiya Makoto.

Meeting Hanamiya was probably the worst thing that could've happened to Imayoshi. Really, seeing a man covered in someone else's blood with an eldritch smile while he walked into the bar at 3 a.m. should have scared the shit out of anyone, but not Imayoshi, because he only smiled at the blood stained man and asked him if he would like a drink.

(Imayoshi scared himself sometimes.)

But what he didn't expect was the guy to actually take a seat and drink like he wasn't in a gay bar covered in someone else's blood in the middle of the night. Imayoshi wasn't sure what he had gotten himself into then, but now he did. Hanamiya Makoto was what Imayoshi hated more than anything ever. But Hanamiya Makoto was also what intrigued Imaoyshi more than anything ever.

He wanted to wipe that disgusting smirk off of the man's face and make him submit to him and only him. He wanted to show no mercy, he wanted to be everything but tender, and he knew that Hanamiya would take it and give it just like that. So when the man walked in at some ungodly hour that night, Imayoshi only smiled and asked, "Would you like a drink?"


	2. chapter two

A/N: I'm a lazy shit who took an entire month to just read through this once. That's all. Pairings and disclaimer etc are in the first chapter! Reviews are really appreciated; enjoy!

~2300 words and a hell lot of procrastination.

* * *

chapter two

Izuki entered Touou a little after six, and quickly made his way to Imayoshi and surreptitiously slid the money for yesterday's drink to the bespectacled man and turned to leave before anyone could say anything but— curse him, Imayoshi the bartender.

"Oh, isn't it our little—"

"No."

"Hmm, 300 ¥ more."

"What? Why?"

"The economy doesn't— oh wait, I want you to meet someone."

Before he could make a quick escape from there, he was being pulled by his collar and was dragged off to the wrong side of the bar which was hardly the appropriate place to _meet_ someone, what with men flirting with each other shamelessly and other, uh, related activities.

"Imayoshi-san, what are you trying to do? Is that one rumour that you sell people true? I know karate, okay."

"Sure you do, you tiny little duckling."

Izuki groaned and let himself get dragged off. Fine, he didn't know karate and everyone knew that anyway. Imayoshi stopped when they reached a table and Izuki tried to peek over Imayoshi's shoulder a little, but who was he trying to kid, he wasn't tall enough to do that. Curse these fucking tall people.

But before he knew it he was being introduced to this really handsome stranger and Imayoshi smirked at him before turning and leaving him with the handsome stranger in the completely inappropriate side of the bar. Izuki simply stood there, staring at the handsome stranger while wondering if they've met before, and the handsome stranger got up and bowed to Izuki as he kind of yelled, "Please go out with me!"

* * *

Nope.

He did not just ask his one true love and soul mate and beloved and his heart's only desire and his sun and stars and the moon of his life to go out with him without any tact.

Nope.

* * *

Izuki didn't know what just happened. Well, maybe he did. Okay, he totally did.

The handsome stranger asked him out in the fully improper side of the bar.

Izuki wouldn't have minded, except he didn't know the handsome stranger nor his name and neither did he know why the fuck this was happening.

Handsome Stranger-san then straightened himself and stuttered, "I'm sorry— I just— I'm Moriyama Yoshitaka, you can call me whatever you want, including _my lov— _no, I mean— I saw you here yesterday and I even spoke to you— but you kind of walked out, uh, angrily, so I, uh. Yeah. I- I think I'm in love with you."

"…You're the cougher?"

"Eh?"

"You were the one who used a pick-up line on me?"

"Ah, I was a little drunk and—"

"YOU USED A PICK-UP LINE ON ME."

Even though Izuki didn't know karate, you couldn't underestimate his fist power. And after breathing in and out for a few seconds, that was exactly what Izuki resorted to. He bitch slapped the handsome stranger who turned out to be the cougher from last night who dared to use a pick-up line on him and watched with satisfaction as he fell to the floor, face first.

Izuki then chose to believe that the reason his palm was still tingling after a while since the little incident was because he got carried away a little too much.

* * *

_Did he just—_

Miyaji looked at the two men in the corner in the wrong side of the bar with a mixture of amusement and incredulity. He'd been visiting Touou since he moved to the city not long ago and decided that he had had enough of his own small world and his partner's small—

_He totally bitch slapped him._

He took another sip of alcohol as he continued watching the, uh, _show._ He was there all along, both last night and right now too (all thanks to this one guy in Shuutoku who turns into an editing monster once the bandages on his fingers are removed and does everyone's job for them) and Miyaji _had_ to admit that this was one of the most hilarious scenes he'd ever seen in his life. He'd thought that Izuki was pretty cute, except the puns part, which he had to live through for a few hours when the guy was drunk and was ranting about basically everything to the eerie bartender. He'd been told to not associate much with rival companies' employees, but what the hell. They were in a gay bar for god's sake.

Miyaji would've made a move on Izuki if only he didn't seem so drunk and so pissed at everything. But that was when the other guy appeared and used some lame ass pick-up line on Izuki. And after Izuki made his exit, Miyaji found out that the guy — Moriyama? Yeah, Moriyama — had _actually _dropped his drink and had to pay quite a lot for the broken glass and all. If that didn't add to the hilarity of the situation, then Moriyama and Izuki's second encounter a few minutes back sure did.

Over the past few weeks when Miyaji had started visiting Touou, he'd learned a few things. The first and foremost was that Imayoshi equals sadist. Secondly, cute _looking_ men do not equal _actual_ cute men. And thirdly, the bar's pineapple dessert was fucking genius. His fourth and latest discovery was that if you ended up in the wrong corner of the bar, you were either really lucky or really unlucky.

And this particular situation was an instance of being _really unlucky. _Miyaji was sure that the reason Imayoshi took sudden interest in making Moriyama and Izuki meet in the wrong side of the bar was because of some twisted idea in his messed up head. He didn't know which twisted idea in particular and truthfully didn't _want_ to know, because everybody would be better off not knowing what went on inside that person's mind anyway.

But the scene unfolding before him was incredible in more ways than one. It seemed like a soap opera more than anything; what with the genuine, actual hurt showing on Moriyama's face, the frustration and over exaggerated hand movements being done by Izuki and the few people sitting around them gasping and shifting in their seats _quite _uncomfortably. If Miyaji's mom was here to see this, she'd be in tears because of the A+ drama.

But Miyaji only wanted some pineapple dessert. It would make a good snack for such a spectacle, to be honest. He downed the rest of the alcohol in his glass and called the new bartender — who had apologized to Miyaji each and every time they saw each other for no apparent reason — to place his order.

* * *

Hours later, Izuki was still telling himself that the reason his palm was tingling since the little incident was because he got a little too carried away. He was extremely frustrated, and Imayoshi's fucking grin only seemed to make Izuki mad rather than scaring him as always.

"He thinks he's in love with you, huh?"

"Imayoshi-san, please don't do this."

That only made the grin get wider and his words more teasing.

"He asked you out without thinking twice, eh?"

Izuki groaned as he let his head hit the countertop, forehead first, and decided that he was doomed. And the worst part was that Imayoshi had taken away his cigarettes because Izuki scared off a few customers with his little, uh, performance. It was enough reason for Imayoshi to strangle a person, but Izuki was special, so he wasn't murdered yet.

"So, I guess it's time to tell the others that you finally found your _soul mate_, right?"

"Fuck m—"

"Oh, of course, I've got Moriyama's number for that very purpose."

Izuki groaned again. Who the actual hell calls someone their _soul mate_ anymore? It's 2014, not the fifteenth century. And why in the name of god did Imayoshi have _that guy_'s number?

"He was really interested in you though, huh."

Izuki continued letting his head rest on the counter as he said, "I think a Chihuahua just died because you breathed, Imayoshi-san," in the most deadpan tone.

"Oh, are you perhaps _jealous_ that I've got his number while you don't?"

He didn't even have to look up to know that Imayoshi was doing that half-grin half-smirk thing that Izuki had given up trying to copy. It gave him the creeps, but now Izuki was plain annoyed.

"No, I'm jealous of Doraemon. And that's because he has an anywhere door and I don't."

"But isn't Moriyama your anywhere door to—"

"PLEASE."

"Oh right, _you _are _his_ anywhere door to—"

"I'M LEAVING."

* * *

Once Moriyama had drowned himself in a tub of vanilla ice cream, he realized that he wasn't _just_ the biggest idiot in the world, but also the biggest idiot _in love_ in the world.

Being beaten up by his One True Love (that was his name for now because it kind of slipped Moriyama's mind to find out OTL-sama's name) seemed to…_do _things.

Which is why he ate another spoonful of ice cream and started typing out the most pathetic piece of literature he would ever have the unfortunate opportunity of typing.

And when he'd killed off the last lovable character and made the protagonist realize that he was the antagonist all along, he saved the document with a forlorn laugh and realized that it was 2 p.m. and well over eighteen hours since he got home and became whatever he became. Also, since he didn't know what he was doing anymore, he attached the most pathetic piece of literature he would ever have the unfortunate opportunity of typing in an email with the subject as _Please Love Me_ and sent it to his most recent contact: Devil Editor.

* * *

Izuki had vowed that he wouldn't take the HSCPLA (Handsome Stranger who was also the Cougher and Pick-up Line Asshole)'s name, no matter what. But even after he had smoked an entire pack of cigarettes — which, by the way, did not help in clearing his mind at all — he was extremely tired. Especially because trying to explain to his younger sister that _no, _he wasn't feeling _attracted _to the HSCPLA; and _yes, _he did hate him, for using that pick-up line, and _no— _not _just_ because of that one reason; and it _definitely would not _become one of those I Hate You Like I Love You stories was a big headache.

He should've kept his mouth shut when she asked him how he was feeling after the hangovers and slight fever. But no, oh no, he _had_ to go on and on about the HSCPLA until Izuki was confused about his own feelings towards the guy.

So when her phone started ringing and the caller ID displayed some guy's name, instead of getting annoyed and asking her who the hell that was, he shooed her off to the other room and told her to take her own sweet time.

His parents should worry if their youngest daughter refused to come back home because they wouldn't give her money to buy vocaloid stuff, but that was probably what happened in some alternate universe, because they were totally cool with her moving from one sibling's place to another. He'd have kicked her out by now if it weren't for her puns. Ah, Izuki's family was filled with wonderful, talented punsters (even though their neighbours once said they were more punishers and punsters and the Izuki household was never more proud (because who could take offense over a pun, really) of their neighbours and themselves). What a family to be born into.

Which brought him back to his original point: HSCPLA. He asked Izuki to go out with him, even before they spoke about the weather or the bar or, well, Doraemon. And then he realized that he was the cougher-pick-up line guy. (Even though Izuki still couldn't recall what pick-up line it was.)

And to make things worse, he told Izuki that he _thought he was in love with him_. And why the hell did Imayoshi, of all people, introduce them to each other? Plus Imayoshi _winked_ at Izuki last night, and that man never ever winked, because, well, he squinted 99% of the time so winking seemed sort of impossible for him. But he _winked. _Also, Izuki had kind of humiliated the guy twice now. So if the HSCPLA was anything like Izuki thought he was by their encounter, he would've changed his name, left the country and was probably milking some cows in a farm somewhere.

* * *

"Oh, you're here again, Lover Boy. What would you like to have?"

"Something I can drown myself in."

Miyaji looked at the guy with sympathy this time, not amusement or incredulity. It was the third time he was seeing Moriyama, but the guy looked more pitiful now than the previous times.

While Imayoshi grinned and handed Moriyama some weird purple beverage, Miyaji tried to ignore the bartender's merriment and turned to Moriyama. "Having a rough day?"

Moriyama laughed dryly at the purple drink and said, "Rough day indeed."

Imayoshi seemed to be enjoying this a lot, in Miyaji's opinion. And when he said, "I'm here to listen to you," it only confirmed that.

And that was how both Miyaji and Imayoshi found out that Moriyama was the unluckiest and most pathetic man on the planet. It only got worse when Moriyama admitted that he hadn't slept in over 24 hours, but still giggled like a schoolgirl when Imayoshi told him that the one true love of his life's name was Izuki Shun.


	3. chapter three

A/N: ...pitiful.

~3000 words and lots of pity.

* * *

chapter three

When Izuki woke up that day, he realized he'd been having way too many _what the fuck _kind of situations lately. And having twenty missed calls in his call log seemed to be another one of those situations.

He dialled Tsuchida's number with a scowl because talking to that thick-eyebrows-closed-eyes HOD of his was not such a great way to welcome a Thursday morning.

"What the hell happened?"

"Izuki! Thank God, I thought you died or something."

"Of_ corpse_ I'm not dead."

"Huh, did you say something?"

"No, what happened?"

"I— uh, well—"

"…"

"The thing is— I— uh—"

"I'm hanging up."

"I-It's Hyuuga! H-Hyuuga's here!"

Izuki froze.

What the fuck.

* * *

Whenever the doorbell rang, it was a sign that evil had arrived. That was pretty much the only useful thing Moriyama had ever learnt and would ever learn. Therefore, his first action was to duck and try to hide under a table, which of course, did not work, considering his height and all, so he quietly crawled to the door in fear of whatever was waiting for him on the other side.

He turned the doorknob and peeked outside with as much stealth as possible, and before he could shut the door on seeing who the guest was, there was a foot blocking the door from closing. He knew he shouldn't have sent the most pathetic piece of literature he would ever have the unfortunate opportunity of typing last night to Devil Editor. The guy had come to take his life now. Perfect.

Moriyama could see his life flash before his eyes. His first girlfriend who left him when she saw his shoujo manga collection because 'Holy shit, I knew it. You're gay, aren't you?'. His second girlfriend who called him a buttface and kicked his first ever novel's first draft for some unfathomable reason (wait wasn't that the incident that had taught him how teenage girls should be written, by, you know, making them do things for some unfathomable reasons?). His third girlfriend who found his collection of pick-up lines for writing reference and tore it into pieces on recalling each instance he'd used them while he was with her because 'How the fuck do you call yourself a man if you just used me to test these!?'. His fourth girlfriend who turned out to be a boy when they finally decided to meet and—

"Moriyama~" the voice sang from the other side of the door. Moriyama shuddered, his thoughts turning to his parents and his pet Chihuahua back home.

"I'm sorry for—"

"Oh no, I'm here to give you the first copy of your novel; it arrived this morning."

Moriyama looked up at his devil editor and laughed bitterly as he fell backwards on the floor and curled himself into a ball. "You scared me for a moment, Dev—Kasamatsu."

Devil Editor Kasamatsu walked in and shut the door behind his back as he smiled at Moriyama, the pitiful man lying on the ground. He handed him the paperback and Moriyama broke into a grin as the flipped through the pages of the book. It was his fifth romance novel that he'd spent a year on. He couldn't believe how elated he suddenly felt, in spite of all the recent tragic happenings in his life.

He looked up at Kasamatsu, unable to get up because he was kind of hung-over and had way too much ice cream in his system and hadn't slept in a long time, nor had he eaten anything decent since he saw… Izuki. Just thinking about him made Moriyama's heart skip a beat.

But looking up at Kasamatsu was probably the wrong thing to do, because Kasamatsu simply, calmly said, "Now, about that email you sent me last night."

* * *

Izuki hated his life. He was kicked out of his own apartment by his younger sister who was freeloading and blackmailing him and coercing him into buying merchandise to satisfy her own otaku needs because he said that he wouldn't go to work. And what else, he was called _irresponsible_ and was told to go to work like a decent adult and bring back some money for the family by the same freak.

That's why, standing in front of Seirin Publishing House made him wonder why. Just why.

And taking the elevator up to the Finance floor made him wonder why. Just why.

And walking towards his cubicle made him wonder why. Just why.

And seeing Tsuchida waiting for him near his chair made him wonder why. Just—

"You're here! Wait, are you okay? You look kind of, uh, tired."

Izuki laughed without a hint of humour. "Like you haven't had days when you've got multiple hangovers and have been asked to go out with handsome strangers who are also coughers and pick-up line assholes and were called worthless by your younger sister who is as useless as the last piece of bread and have found out that the man you loved for years suddenly appeared in your workplace."

"I—"

"And let's not forget the fact that I haven't been able to come up with puns worth remembering in three fucking days. Or maybe I did come up with puns worth remembering but I can't remember them because I've either smoked too much or I've drank too much alcohol."

Tsuchida sighed and patted Izuki's shoulder lightly. Izuki wondered if it was supposed to be a consoling gesture or a _wouldn't want to be you _gesture. Tsuchida scratched his chin lightly as he said, "Sorry to hear about it all. But the good news is that he's gone. Well, for now. He flew in this morning, but he had to leave the country for some other work again."

Izuki stared at Tsuchida. "…You called me twenty fucking times to tell me he's here, Buchou. Why couldn't you call me to tell me he'd left, Buchou?"

"Oh, I—"

"Do you know how dangerously close I was to getting a heart attack the moment I entered the building, Tsuchida? HUH?"

But as Tsuchida apologized, Izuki sighed in relief. Avoiding Hyuuga was what he wanted to do in the first place. Because really, just the thought of seeing a man he once loved for over five years _just_ when his life was disintegrating was daunting.

* * *

The thing is that everything sounded funny to Takao— everything from Kyary Pamyu Pamyu to Shakespeare to bananas. So when his quirky green-haired co-worker told him that both of them would be extremely lucky the next few days, he burst out laughing because that was _spectacular_ news. Or maybe Takao had too much coffee in his system.

Being a shounen manga editor was definitely not as easy as he first thought it would be. And managing this one artist who suddenly started drawing these high school boys playing basketball seemed to be the hardest part of his job.

But that wasn't what mattered at the moment. What mattered was that he was going to be extremely lucky for the next few days along with Midorima, and, well, Takao _definitely_ had too much coffee in his system.

"I really need some sleep," Takao said to himself, sure that his dark circles were getting more prominent than ever. "Coffee first though."

So he ditched work and went to the break room, only to meet Miyaji, the guy who transferred in recently, and some other old timer who probably wasn't going to play any role in this story. The old timer left when Takao entered, so maybe he wasn't completely wrong about the insignificance of the guy. Takao had like, editor sixth sense or something.

"Takao, what's up?"

Miyaji seemed pretty normal, considering how not normal Takao felt. He looked for the big mug with his name written on it and filled it with coffee as he said, "Same old, same old. Apparently I'm gonna be extremely lucky for the next few days."

"Midorima?"

They laughed when Takao nodded. Pretty much everyone in Shuutoku knew about Midorima and his obsession with horoscopes and the like. Takao had known Midorima since middle school and he, like all the others in their class, had thought that Midorima would go to some expensive medical school and become Japan's best surgeon and all, but the guy ended up becoming a normal — okay, not _so_ normal — manga editor like Takao.

Well, whatever, life was always weird.

Midorima had also told Takao that he would be reconnecting with old friends soon, which didn't seem that bad to him. He didn't have that many old friends or friends in general, so yeah, meeting someone would do him some good. Probably. Midorima never shared predictions unless he was sure that they were accurate anyway.

"Speaking of Midorima though, I've been going to that bar you told me about, and the funniest things have been happening there lately. It's hilarious."

Miyaji seemed quite amused by recalling the place and anything funny meant that Takao _had_ to know. "I've got this one friend who used to frequent Touou with me, not sure if he still does though. I should visit the place with him, he makes the lamest puns."

Miyaji looked like he was trying to remember something. "I met a guy like that too. From Seirin at that, Izuki—"

"—Shun! You know that dumbass Izuki!"

They laughed again and commented on the size of the world, the idiocy of the specimen named Izuki, the uniqueness of pineapples, and how it might just start raining before getting back to work.

* * *

After an uneventful day at work, one should probably head back home, flip through some pages of a magazine, watch a stand up comedy show or two on TV and head to bed. But our financial information systems guy stood outside Touou, the quaint gay bar, wondering what the fuck was wrong with him. This was his third time coming to the place in four days, and if he didn't seem like a frustrated loser, he wasn't sure what he _did _seem like.

He entered, only to be greeted by Imayoshi's stupid shit eating grin. He was in need of some alcohol though, and it was a pain to go elsewhere or to go back home and meet his disappointment of a sister. Imayoshi seemed to be pretty pleased that Izuki was there, and rightly so because the next moment Moriya— HSCPLA was standing close to him and whispering, "Ho— Ho—"

"If you go any further than that, I will slit your throat with this very ballpoint pen in my suit pocket and you know that I'm not kidding."

He seemed to take it seriously, because he sat down on the barstool next to Izuki and looked around at everyone and everything _except_ Izuki. He was seeing this guy around a lot lately; it made him wonder if that imbecile (who _definitely _existed) writing his destiny enjoyed putting him through all this.

"Ah, young love. How wonderful." Imayoshi's teasing tone was disgusting and Izuki was too tired to come up with a retort while the HSCPLA next to him seemed to be too uncomfortable to say anything. And that was when Izuki noticed a red mark on his cheek and without warning, guilt surged through him.

"Is that mark— your cheek— did I?"

HSCPLA— oh for god's sake, _Moriyama_ looked at Izuki, and he seemed kind of surprised and unsure if he was the one being talked to. It made Izuki wonder if he'd been so rough on the guy that he was behaving like some sort of…_rabbit_ in front of him.

Moriyama seemed to react pretty soon though, and he touched his cheek and withdrew his hand instantly; you didn't have to ask to know that it hurt. "Oh no, this wasn't because of you, my _darli_— I mean, well, my editor gets kind of violent at times."

_Editor? He writes?_

"Isn't that sad, Izuki? Don't you want to comfort poor little Moriyama here?"

Izuki groaned and prayed that this satanic bartender would stop acting like such an old woman with sadistic tendencies. "Imayoshi-san, why do you enjoy doing this?"

Imayoshi's grin got wider. "Enjoy doing what? I'm just _worried_."

"…Y-You scare me."

Izuki and Imayoshi turned to look at Moriyama as soon as they heard his quietly mumbled words. And for the first time in years, _actual_ _years_, Izuki felt that someone taller than him was _cute_. Looking at Imayoshi only confirmed that he felt the same way and when he whispered in Izuki's ear, "He looked like this when he first saw you too, you know, completely scared and nervous. Damn, I should've taken him right then," Izuki knew that things were getting out of hand.

"Oh my fucking…" Izuki whispered back.

"This keeps getting better, you know that?"

"I can't believe this."

"Well, Izuki-kun seems like he has something he wants to say to you, Moriyama-kun."

"WHAT."

"T-To me?"

Izuki can't remember how many glasses of alcohol he drank while trying to convince himself that Moriyama was definitely _not _cute. But he must've drunk quite a bit because the three of them then had a conversation of some sort, with frequent swearing from Izuki, constant teasing from Imayoshi and awkward, poorly framed sentences from Moriyama. Nothing made sense to Izuki and Imayoshi was being hella weird with the old woman tone and the sassy remarks and the creepy behaviour but whatever, a conversation happened (which basically only included Doraemon, the Izuki sisters, janitors and more Doraemon).

Izuki then had to be taken back home with the assistance of a cop who was one of Imayoshi's acquaintances and Izuki wondered if the reason he needed assistance was because he was too drunk or because he was just too drunk or because he was just way too drunk.

* * *

Moriyama wore the same stoic expression while he walked back home in spite of his heart beating a mile per minute. When he was safe inside the confines of his home though, he literally fell to the ground and started breathing heavily, his panic attack occurring three hours after the time it should have occurred (which was when he tried to ask his darling _How are you_, but ended up with his voice stopping after _Ho—_). Which was probably a good thing, considering how things turned out in such a way that he got to sit next to Izuki, his One True Love.

Really, he couldn't believe himself. He was way too deep in this. He was actually, totally, completely drowning. It made it hard for him to breathe each time Izuki was around, but it also suffocated him when he _wasn't_ around. His mind was a big mess with Izuki floating around (like an angel with pure white wings, oh god) and being the only thing that mattered anymore. He was in love with Izuki. What was he going to do with himself?

And after he was done freaking out, he tore the cover of one of the journals he'd planned to keep for using later and grabbed a pen lying on the floor and began writing: Things about Izuki.

* * *

The next morning, Izuki swore to himself that he would stop drinking until he passed out and/or he forgot if he was Izuki Shun or Nase Izumi or Sena Izumi. He wasn't even sure who those last two were or how those names came to his mind, but they did and that meant something was wrong in his head. The second thought that came to his mind after the confusion in his identity was Hyuuga and how he'd suddenly appeared after going abroad for over three years. Izuki was so sure that he was over him, even though there wasn't anything between them except a stupid one-sided crush, but when he heard that the guy was back, he knew that he was everything _but _over him. He didn't know how he would react when they would meet, because even though he left the country again yesterday, he was going to come back. The third and most amusing thought that came to his mind was Moriyama. Wait, when did he start referring to him by his name and not HSCPLA aka Handsome Stranger who— uh, what came after that again? _Oh_, that's why he started referring to him by his name.

But yes, Moriyama. He mentioned something about a Chihuahua last night, didn't he? Or something about high school delinquents? Or Doraemon— no wait, Doraemon was totally something Izuki would say. Wait, why was he thinking about all this again?

He got out of bed, and in spite of the shitty headache, he dragged himself to the bathroom while he reflected on his old habits of drinking more than he could handle and how he should stop already. There were thoughts of Hyuuga and sometimes Moriyama and Imayoshi and that Shuutoku guy, Miyaji or someone lurking around and soon he was back to thinking about his excessive alcohol intake— _oh_. Alcohol. Excessive. Death.

"How much tequila does it take to kill a person?"

…

_Oh dear god, I need a smoke._

* * *

It was 4:30 a.m. when he finally showed up at Touou. Like Imayoshi had thought he would, he ordered his usual Jack and Coke and told Imayoshi to put it on his tab.

"So, still harassing those two you told me about?" Hanamiya began, a sly grin creeping its way onto his face. Just the sight of that made Imayoshi want to -censored-, but he laughed and held himself back.

"Well, seeing cute things crack is, hmm, satisfying."

Hanamiya guffawed and said, "You're disgusting."

Imayoshi simply replied, "_You're _disgusting."

And before he knew it, Hanamiya was kissing him.


	4. chapter four

A/N: Ayy I just /had/ to put in some aokise because otp okay and Moriyama, well, don't look at me haha ha a..h. Reviews iLove and You iLove. Warnings and pairings etc are in the first chapter!

~1850 words and extreme levels of idiocy.

* * *

chapter four

Things about Izuki Shun:

1. Izuki Shun is perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Also, punfect? (Is this how puns are made?)

2. He is everything and nothing else matters because he is everything.

3. He is excellent and genius like his name and nothing is as perfect as him on this planet.

4. He is, hands down, the best thing in the world. Better than any, any, any, anything.

5. His voice is like the gentle wind blowing through your hair when everything's quiet and nothing's real anymore.

* * *

Kise wondered why he got an acting job when he was clearly just a really good model. Not that he wouldn't make a great actor, but it was kind of weird for him to be chosen when there were obviously better people out there for the role.

His manager seemed to be pretty happy to have snagged the opportunity for Kise to act in a drama adaptation of a recently released and surprisingly popular office romance book. People dig such stuff, he'd said, and they also loved Kise Ryouta, so maybe it wasn't _such_ a mystery why Kise was offered to play the lead role in that drama for his first acting gig. The real mystery here though, was why in the name of god did he have actual _security _around him wherever he went. Really, having three men, all of them taller than 200 centimetres made him feel…_small._ And Kise was definitely not small.

And Kise didn't _just_ feel small. He felt frustrated. Frustrated and pissed and so _done_ with everything because they were such babies. One of them kept complaining about how tired he was and how he wanted more snacks even though he kept munching on snacks all the bloody time. Kise was only allowed to eat 1/10th of what Bodyguard #1 ate per day, but the purple haired giant _still_ complained. Sheesh, what an ungrateful guy.

Bodyguard #2 was bearable even though he kept complaining about how the women he approached always ran away from him (but that was kind of understandable, looking at his face and all). Kise had suggested that #2 should shave more often or get a new haircut or something, but it didn't seem like any of his tips helped. He was useful in keeping the stalkers at bay though, so he wasn't _completely_ useless and whiny like #1.

Bodyguard #3 was pretty cool, compared to the other two. He was a foreigner, apparently, plus he had cool eyes and knew seven different languages! And if that wasn't cool enough, then the fact that he personally knew people from SM Entertainment sure was. When Kise found out how much of a (hardcore) fudanshi #3 was though, he was a little alarmed. Okay, he was really, really, really a little alarmed.

But privacy— Kise wanted privacy. And his bodyguards never gave him privacy.

"For your own safety, Kise," was his manager's gentle reply. Yosen Entertainment was serious about their popular models and actors and musicians and Kise was finally realizing that. He'd tried complaining, saying that he wanted some privacy _at least_ while he peed, but that only made Himuro sigh and explain to him again that _it's for his own safety_.

Kise hated being told that, because damn it, helmets are for peoples' own safety, not three giant sized bodyguards. So the next time he heard the same dialogue, he decided he needed a break.

* * *

Things about Izuki Shun:

6. He smokes a lot but he does it like an angel— a shining, sparkling angel.

7. His eyes twinkle each time he comes up with a pun and it's the most beautiful thing.

8. He claims to know karate when he doesn't, but that's adorable. (Anyone who thinks it's not adorable is lying.)

9. He swears a lot but that's way too adorable too. It's like every word he says is made with honey. (Anyone who thinks this is not adorable either are deluded humans who can't see the truth.)

10. He talks about his sisters and Doraemon a lot, and a little faster than normal which means that he has strong feelings towards them. Isn't that the cutest thing? (It is the cutest thing. No one is allowed to disagree.)

* * *

What he meant by needing a break was some time alone, away from the extremely tall bodyguards around him and away from Himuro who was the biggest two faced backstabbing manager he had ever met. But when he told two of his young high school friends about it, they gave him a completely different, unwanted break. Which wasn't surprising, to be honest, because of the way they'd become friends in the first place.

It all happened a few weeks back when he had received the acting role offer for the novel published by Seirin Publishing House, but then received another acting role for a novel published by Kaijou Publications on the same day. Himuro had weighed the options and decided that Seirin's adaptation would benefit Kise's career more than Kaijou's would. Which is when everything went wrong and some Kasamatsu guy from Kaijou sent these two delinquents — high school delinquents, nonetheless — to threaten Kise to reject Seirin's offer and accept theirs. Well, that's what one of those two said. What the other said sounded something like, "I haven't eaten a man's brains in three weeks."

So, well, since Kise's heart equalled a heart of gold, he treated them both to dinner and found out that they were actually blackmailed by some yakuza guy, named Hanamiya, into trafficking drugs but Kasamatsu, Hanamiya's friend, saved (okay, not really) them and told them that they'd be okay as long as they act like his dogs and did odd violent jobs for him. And well, what the other boy meant was that they hadn't eaten anything but corn for two days. Kise marvelled at the first boy's translation skills. For Kise to have understood _corn_ as _a man's brains_, it meant something was terribly wrong with high school kid number two. When they were done eating and sheepishly told Kise that they didn't have much money on them, Kise hugged them and said something about how high school days were the best days of his life and made two new friends: Kobori and Hayakawa.

Coming back to the point; Kobori and Hayakawa ended up dragging Kise along with them to this one guy's house because apparently he was the most pitiful man to have ever signed a contract with Kaijou and they started calling out names as loud as they could, just to keep the guy awake or something. Kise couldn't believe (or even understand) what was going on, but what the hell.

So he started yelling at the top of his voice too, and kind of got too into it, because all of a sudden Kobori and Hayakawa were cursing and running away from the place while Kise stood there, not sure what was happening until he heard someone behind him, and Kise turned to find a cop walking towards him, mumbling something about leaving drunks back to their homes and then the man looked up at Kise.

"I'm—"

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Okay."

And they were kissing each other.

* * *

Furihata glanced around the restroom nervously to make sure that no one was looking before he turned his attention to his cell phone again. It was a text from _him_.

_You do remember that we are to meet tomorrow, right?_

Furihata had no idea how to respond to this. Sure, dating someone online was all nice and fun until they finally asked you to meet them. And the date was getting so close, oh god. He'd meant to speak to Izuki after that, but he couldn't find the right time to bring up the topic again. (Because going, "Izuki-san! Hello, I just wanted some advice from you, because you seem experienced in love matters, and like, I've been dating this man online and now he wants to meet me, ehe. What do you think I should do?" when Furihata met Izuki again didn't seem like a very good idea.) He sighed and read the message again. He couldn't cancel _now_, especially because he'd already experienced what happened when he'd told _him _that he wouldn't take a picture of himself wearing cat ears and nibbling on a cookie.

He sighed again.

"Is something wrong?"

Furihata screamed when he heard the unknown voice. Oh. _Oh._

"You're the creepy janitor who pops up out of nowhere!"

"I've been called that, yes."

"OH. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to—"

"No, that's okay. Are you alright? You seem pale."

Furihata laughed nervously and told the monotonous, scary and weird blue haired janitor that he was okay and he quickly typed in a _Yep _and got back to work.

* * *

Things about Izuki Shun:

11. He's got eyes that make you want to stare into them forever and melt with a glance because hello, what beauty.

12. His height is just perfect; so, so perfect. (Perfect for hugging and carrying around, especially.)

13. His hair smells of strawberries and he blames his sisters for messing with his shampoo but it is heavenly so thank you, to-be sisters-in-law.

14. He also hates drinks that promise increase in height. Childhood trauma, he'd said. How to cuddle with him now—

15. His smile. His smile is the only thing that matters. His smile is everything.

* * *

Kise wasn't sure what happened but it did and he loved it; he kissed an absolute stranger and he loved it. He couldn't believe himself and neither could he believe _that guy _because it was nothing and yet it was everything. _How_ it happened was the last thought in Kise's mind, but the fact that it lasted for less than a breath but still seemed like it went on forever and the way how Kise couldn't find the words to describe it perfectly was what bothered him.

Kise never got to know what the cop's name was though. Some guy from room 506 came out and started complaining about the nuisance those delinquents caused every night and Kise — even though he did not want to leave the man's side for even a second — quietly absconded, hoping that there weren't any paparazzi following him who might've seen him.

He grinned the entire way back home, and if he had wings, he'd be flying. What he did was dangerous and wrong and his parents would be so disappointed in him if they found out but he didn't care. He kissed a stranger and it was perfect. It was perfect and he was in love. Kise Ryouta was in love.

* * *

"What do you mean, I'll have the best luck tomorrow if only I carry a thong with me?"

"I meant exactly what I said."

"Wait, am I being recorded? Secret camera?"

"You're behaving like an idiot. You should know by now that all the predictions I share are a hundred percent accurate."

"But Shin-chan! A _thong_?"

"A thong."

"_A thong?_"

"A thong."

"_A thong?_"

"A thong."


	5. chapter five

A/N: I am sorry for everything, for imahanasaku, for kirisaki daichi, for Doraemon and for myself. Just. Enjoy, hopefully? Reviews are the best; warnings, pairings etc are in the first chapter.

~3800 words and way too many question marks.

* * *

chapter five

The next time Izuki got a chance to look at the calendar properly, it was Wednesday and it'd almost been a week since he had time to whine about his life or think about anyone/anything for more than ten seconds.

Some of the finance people decided to make a big fuss over Seirin's creepy blue haired janitor who kept popping up out of nowhere and decided that the guy was going to get additional help since he kept popping up out of nowhere and it _literally_ scared the shit out of people. (The only thing not gross about that statement, according to Izuki, was the kind of but not really pun.) Also, apparently the janitor was too short to reach the toilet paper shelves sometimes and assistance was definitely required. Really, they could have kept their big mouths shut and should have decided to hire another guy as soon as this topic was brought up, but instead, they went on complaining about how much money the company spent on toilet paper last year. Izuki couldn't believe the different kinds of bullshit — _pfft_ — the finance people thought of.

But despite his tiredness and relief on having sorted out _that _and a freaking gigantic money problem, he was still angry. Mostly because that stupid airheaded CEO of Seirin laughed the entire crisis off and said something like _let's have fun_ and the shit had the audacity to not understand Izuki's amazing pun. Who the hell didn't know how to tell when a bucket gets sick?

"IT BECOMES A LITTLE PALE, YOU IDIOT."

On realizing that he kind of yelled that out loud in the elevator where two of his subdivision's people were uncomfortably standing next to him, he looked at his shoes and wondered why the hell was he always so bothered when people didn't understand or appreciate puns. It definitely hadn't been like this in high school nor in college. He was pretty cool, and the only thing that got on his nerves sometimes was that unbelievably large fan club of his. They held weekly committee meetings and monthly coven meetings, and Izuki was _so_ sure that the disappearance of his belongings and the appearance of weird dolls that looked like him and the sudden prickling pain in his head and arms around those meetings' times weren't coincidences.

Those were the good old (cursed) days.

Coming back to the point; Izuki had never been so particular that people _had_ to like puns to get close to him but now it just— he didn't understand it either. And it only pissed him off.

The next bullet point in the list of reasons why Izuki was so mad at everything was Moriyama. (Izuki had given up trying to remember what HCP— ugh, that entire abbreviation stood for.)

Every single time Izuki would escape — yes, escape; this was what his life had de-escalated into — to the break room for a quick smoke or a little coffee, that son of a bitch would pop into his mind and stay there. What with the whole handsomeness and tallness and Izuki wasn't sure when the thought emerged in his mind but…cuteness? It annoyed Izuki to have nonstop thoughts about some strange guy who used a pick-up line on him, then confessed to him and ended up getting beaten up by him. And they also had some drunken conversation with Imayoshi, he was told (because damn him and his stupid memory while under the influence). Izuki wouldn't be surprised if Moriyama hated him now because he was nothing but an ass to him and had already left the country and was naming cows—

Wait, déjà vu. Izuki had thought about Moriyama changing his name and leaving the country and naming cows because of his hatred towards Izuki before, hadn't he? Damn it, he was thinking too much about Moriyama. Again, Izuki swore that if Moriyama _still_ didn't hate Izuki, then he was either an idiot or a masochist. Or both. Or maybe he simply didn't want to change his name and leave the country and name cows elsewhere. Wait. What?

When the elevator reached the ground floor, the other two from his subdivision quickly scurried off and Izuki wasn't sure if it was because of the way he reeked of smoke and instant noodles and sweat because of the clothes that he'd been wearing for three days in a row now or if it was because he'd suddenly yelled and had then proceeded to make about three hundred different expressions as he thought about his high school days and Moriyama and Imayoshi (because anything related to masochism made him think about sadism which made him think about Imayoshi).

But he didn't care because people from his department were dumb anyway. And since he was off for the next two days as compensation for staying over in the office and working _his_ ass off to save the CEO's ass, he decided that he could afford to loiter around for a while before he headed back home and slept like there was no tomorrow. That's why, instead of taking the short way home, he told the taxi driver to take him to good old (cursed) Maji Burger.

* * *

He knew he should have been more cautious while opening the door. He knew it. Responding to the doorbell was the worst task in the world. Worse than mistaking tomatoes for stress balls, clowns, deadlines, dead lines, or ex-girlfriends who kicked him in the literal worst places to kick. He knew he should have pretended to be away or dead when the doorbell rang but he opened the door like an idiot.

Why was he an idiot?

"Devi— I mean, K-K-Kasamatsu! W-What's up?"

His heart was going to explode in his chest, and he didn't just say that because he was a shoujo romance writer. This was actual fear for his life that he felt each time Kasamatsu was within a ten feet radius of himself, because even though Moriyama was taller than Kasamatsu would ever be, Moriyama felt like his pet Chihuahua back home compared to the guy.

"Just checking up on you, that's all. And come up with a few short story ideas. I'm planning to sign you up for a contest."

"O-Oh, that's all? But I'm kind of, uh, working on something else?"

"You don't sound so sure."

"I—"

"Show me."

"I—"

"Now."

"I—"

Kasamatsu pushed our pitiful not-so-little Moriyama to the side and barged into the apartment and headed straight to his work desk. Moriyama gulped and tried to abscond from his apartment without stopping to consider that he was only wearing a pair of Doraemon boxers (which he may or may not have ordered online for overnight delivery once he found out that Izuki liked the round robot from the future) and Doraemon slippers (for which he may or may not have threatened a seven year old in the kid's section of the closest shoe store).

But as he took a step outside, he heard Kasamatsu clear his throat behind him, and Moriyama gulped again, his entire sympathetic nervous system screaming at him to flee because there was no way at all that Moriyama would be successful if he chose fight over flight.

Moriyama began stuttering, frozen in place, while the shorter man calmly said, "An ode to Izuki Shun, Things about Izuki Shun and MorIzuki PWP, huh. You sure have lots of free time, don't you?"

"I—"

* * *

Sitting in Maji Burger and glancing at the menu that hadn't changed a bit — except the prices because the new prices were ridiculously high — was oddly nostalgic. He ordered the same thing he used to order all the time as a high school kid and he carried his food tray straight to the only available table in the place. He slowly chewed on his fries as memories from his teenage days came back to him even though he didn't want them to.

This was where Hyuuga used to work part time on weekdays, way back then. It was here that Izuki realized that he had more-than-friends kind of feelings for Hyuuga too. That was a nice day, if you compare it to the recent days in his life. Some kid had spilled ketchup all over the floor, and Hyuuga was handed a mop and was told to clean it up. He'd begged the manager to give him some other job, _my classmates are here right now, it's embarrassing_, but nothing worked. So Hyuuga dragged himself to clean the ketchup all over the floor and Izuki only stared at the guy's butt as he moved from side to side, and it was only when he turned to tell Tsuchida and the others to shut up and stop laughing that he realized that he was done for. He stared at his friend's butt — Hyuuga's butt! — and wanted…more?

Izuki laughed softly. He was such an idiot back then. Not that there was much change now because he was still The King of Bad Decisions.

But the actual worst experience with Hyuuga was when they all got drunk because some stupid third years added alcohol to all of the basketball team's member's sports drinks, and they had no idea what the fuck was going on. It was seven in the evening, and they were in school or the gym or the basketball court or— okay, he can't remember. But they were somewhere— Izuki, Hyuuga, Tsuchida, Kiyoshi and a few more idiots, and Izuki suddenly shot up from his seat and went, "You guys are drunk, but I am the champagne!"

And for the first time, they all laughed. Literally, laughed. Clutched their stomachs and laughed out loud until they had tears in their eyes. Izuki wasn't sure why he actually did feel like a champagne— _champion_ at that time, but he did and when Hyuuga said, "Izuki, what the hell. You're drunk too." Izuki simply replied with a, "No. _You _are drunk."

And then it happened: "I'm not drunk. I'm just intoxicated by _you._"

* * *

To say that Furihata was scared would be an understatement. To say that Furihata was really, totally, completely shit-scared would, well, _still_ be an understatement.

He was finally meeting the guy he'd been dating online for exactly 3 months. He had never seen the man before and all Furihata knew about him was that he had natural red hair and Furihata wasn't sure as to how natural red hair worked. Maybe he felt that way because he was born into a lowly family with brown and black haired people, but anything other than those two colours seemed to be pretty weird for Furihata. Like that creepy janitor— blue? How even? And for it to be natural, well, uh, Furihata wondered if that meant his hair in, uh, other, well, places was, um, red too.

But he wasn't _so_ worried about that for now. He was about to meet the man he was probably — okay, definitely — in love with. How he'd fallen in love with the guy in spite of his mildly scary side, Furihata didn't know. But he wasn't able to concentrate on his work because of thoughts about that guy recently, and the fact that Seirin was almost about to end up bankrupt if not for a few diligent people in finances only made him feel worse for slacking off recently. But this meeting thing was increasing his blood pressure and to say that Furihata was really, totally, completely shit-scared would be an understatement.

The latest text read: _I'm truly sorry about this, but one of my colleagues will be tagging along. He's got hold of my weaknesses, so I cannot refuse._

And Furihata continued freaking out.

* * *

When Kasamatsu had finished beating Moriyama to a pulp, he'd calmly told the quivering mess of a man on the ground to dog-sit his friend's dogs for him. And well, Moriyama clearly wasn't in a, well, position to say no. And Devil Editor didn't say anything _bad_ about his latest literary masterpieces revolving around Izuki so Moriyama didn't mind. Dogs were cute anyway. Like his pet Chihuahua back home. He wondered if Izuki liked dogs. They could go adopt some, name them, play with them, give them baths together, take baths together—

"W-Wait. What day did you say it is again?"

"Huh? Wednesday."

"I've been locked up at home for about a week!?"

"Isn't that normal?"

"Yeah but— I must— Izuki— I have to—"

Grabbing hold of Moriyama's Doraemon boxers after he stood up shakily, Kasamatsu stopped him right in his tracks as he scarily sweetly said, "Where do you think you're going, Moriyama-kun? Don't you remember Hanamiya's cute little Kazuya, Koujirou, Hiroshi and Kentarou, Moriyama-kun?"

Moriyama tittered (in fear for his life).

* * *

But of course, since they were drunk, Hyuuga didn't mean it and neither did he remember Izuki's confession and that one almost kiss they had if not for Tsuchida who chose the exact moment to puke all over Izuki. But Tsuchida and Kiyoshi totally remembered it and that's why those two looked out for him. Kiyoshi was an idiot though. Who doesn't get the _we know that a bucket is sick when it gets a little pale _pun? Right, Kiyoshi Teppei, the CEO of Seirin. Really, what a freaking dumb idiot stuffed with stupidity. And Tsuchida— how he ended up becoming HOD was a bigger mystery than how he managed to snag a date with both Shinji and Rin together, if his most recent text was true.

So, Hyuuga was the reason for his trauma related to pick-up lines and really, it seemed too stupid, now that grown up Izuki thought about it.

Other things that made Izuki fall deeper and deeper into that guy were better off not being remembered though. Like the indirect kiss with the Gatorade, the innocent remarks about how stupid but cute Izuki was, the exchanging of favourite songs and music videos overnight and— _ugh, why_. But Hyuuga was supposed to be in Izuki's past. He'd joined Seirin's overseas branch and was travelling the world. Izuki didn't know what for, but he made sure to not even try to look into it. He wanted to move on. But now that Hyuuga was back in Japan or _was _in Japan for a day and wouldbe coming again soon, Izuki wasn't so sure if he had moved on at all.

Pick-up lines still bothered him even though it'd been years since the whole drunk-confession-almost-kiss incident. And when Moriyama suddenly appeared and did everything so quickly and persistently and gently, Izuki wasn't sure what was happening even though he knew that he was way more pitiful than Moriyama. Especially because of the whole _I'll curse anyone who doesn't understand or appreciate puns and/or uses a pick-up line on me_ thing. And of course, getting coerced into buying things for his sisters sure made him pitiful.

Reflecting on his past, he realized that he hadn't changed much, except the intense smoking and cursing and vehement hating of pick-up lines and people who didn't understand puns. He concluded that growing up made him kind of bitter, more than anything else, and he continued chewing his fries.

* * *

Entering Kasamatsu's house, Moriyama instantly caught their attention by clapping his hands and yelling, "Kazuya, Koujirou, Hiroshi and Kentarou! It's me, Papa's here!"

The four dogs came running to him, their tails wagging uncontrollably, and they made him fall back onto the sofa as they pounced and licked his face, obviously happy to see the pitiful handsome shoujo romance author.

"I missed you guys too! The devil's yakuza friend still doesn't take care of you guys? Aw, you little adorable children. I will love you forever, you don't need Hanamiya."

After a lot of petting and _hey, stop that, I won't walk you if you do that_, Moriyama takes them out, careful to monitor each one of them. But it didn't take long for small little Kazuya to pick up something gross from the street and start munching on it. Neither did it take long for scary little Koujirou to stare so hard at an old woman sitting on a bench nearby in the park that she started chanting mantras because superstitions. Also lethargic little Kentarou was resisting being dragged along, and it made things difficult for Moriyama, especially because the four dogs weren't the tiny puppies they once were. Hiroshi was still as decent and well behaved as ever, and Moriyama silently petted him when the other three were distracted by their own antics.

Dogs were the best after all. Izuki seemed like the person who'd like dogs. They could go back and see his pet Chihuhua and maybe! Maybe Izuki had a dog too. Izuki…it'd been about a week since Moriyama last saw him. He really wanted to see Izuki.

* * *

So, thinking about his past and all should've made him hella melancholic but it only ended up making him come up with quite a few puns about the past and pasta until a pink haired girl sitting behind him pointed out that he was eating fries and not pasta, so it didn't make sense for him to be making puns on Italian food while—

Izuki didn't stop to listen any further as he picked up his bag and walked out. That pink haired girl was a hundred years too early to tell Izuki about which country's cuisine he should be making puns of. It was Wednesday, not Friesday. Hah.

Now that he was out in the open, his first job was to go and buy a pack of cigarettes. He'd held himself back from smoking _much_ all day; but everyone walking around him definitely smelled that he had some kind of smoking problem and who even gave a damn.

As he stood in front of the cigarette machine and looked for the right brand, he heard a lot of barking coming from the side, and he turned, only to see four dogs— and Izuki melted into a puddle right then and there because the fur. The coats. The barks. The jumps. The cuteness.

The dogs. (Insert twenty heart shapes here.)

But then he looked up at the person holding all four of their leashes and the person holding all four of them looked back at Izuki and Izuki instantly turned to the opposite direction and began running without trying to process what just happened.

He ran and ran even though he was being chased by four adorable dogs and one perverted human and he still ran when they almost caught up. He didn't know where he was running towards nor did he know that pretty much everyone on the fairly empty street was looking at the spectacle happening in front of their eyes while he kept yelling at Moriyama to stop chasing him for fuck's sake and Moriyama was yelling something that sounded like _big dogs I can't dogs big heart very breathing bedroom no leave writer hikkikomori how_.

_What_. Izuki took a narrow road, hoping that he wasn't seen by the creatures chasing him, but the very next second he fell to the ground, face first, and the weight on his back was fucking unreal.

"What the hell man!" Izuki yelled until he shut up when the cutest dogs on the planet started licking all over his face and—

"WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS DOG SPIT ON ME?"

"I'm so sorry! Kazuya has a habit of picking up stuff from the streets, especially chewed gum and—"

"DID HE JUST SPIT CHEWED GUM ON ME?"

"Oh, uh," Moriyama began and touched the thing that was sticking out on Izuki's hair and said, "This isn't chewed gum; just some paper."

"Thank you," Izuki said, now calm because it wasn't chewed gum. He wanted to laugh when one of the dogs licked his ear but his back was so close to breaking. "How much longer are you going to stay on top of me?"

Moriyama fumbled around and apologized as he tried getting up when Izuki felt something. He did not feel _that_ tingling in his palm when he made contact with Moriyama's face when Izuki got a little violent with him the other day and he did not feel _that_ feeling when Moriyama seemed cute while he was just being pitiful the _other_ other day. He felt something else. He felt.

"…Why are you hard?"

* * *

Imayoshi put on his glasses and looked at the mess all around him, especially the scratches on his arms. They ended up having sex, huh. How the hell did that happen?

Hanamiya was still asleep next to him, and if Imayoshi didn't know the guy's horrible personality, he might have called him _cute _as he slept_._ But he _did_ know the guy's horrible personality and he was everything _but _cute (except maybe once or twice at certain times; Imayoshi won't ever say anything further than that). Just one glance at Hanamiya, even in this state, made Imayoshi want to hurt him— made him want Hanamiya to beg.

He laughed at himself, _having such thoughts first thing in the morning ain't good_, and left the room to get dressed and headed downstairs. Yakuza were something else, huh. Or maybe it was only Hanamiya who was something else. But Imayoshi hated it all just as much as he loved it all.

The bar was empty, and there weren't any employees in either. It was too early for Touou. So when he heard some sounds coming from the kitchen, he went in to find out what was happening. Didn't want any tiny mammals trying to sneak in and—

_Oh._

What was in front of him was way better than any tiny mammal that could've tried to sneak into Touou. It was the newbie. Sakurai. And he was right there, moaning as he touched himself. Imayoshi grinned because he would be teasing the kid forever about this. He was actually getting to see such a thing right here, without any effort on his part. He was as pleased as he was amused, and the best way to startle Sakurai would be to—

"And here I thought he only knew how to apologize."

"Hanamiya. When did you wake up?"

"Why? Wanted to go at it once again?"

The smugness in his voice annoyed Imayoshi.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be able to _stand_ today, forget about trying to walk."

And before Hanamiya could say a thing, Sakurai got louder right in front of them and they didn't have to say anything to each other to make the decision. Just a look and everything was final.

"Sakurai, Sakurai, Sakurai. What have we here?"

The fear in his eyes and the panic in his voice as he turned and began stuttering apologies and the abrupt movements he made as he tried to move away as they closed in on him was the only reaction Imayoshi ever wanted.

"Do you think a simple sorry will excuse you?"


	6. chapter six

A/N: Ugh, life. How I hate thee as thou detesteth (?) me. I'm sorry for everything but reviews are the best! Pairings/Warnings etc in the first chapter; enjoy!

~3200 words and many apologies.

* * *

chapter six

"Wait, what?" Takao choked out, his cheeks red from running out of breath because of laughing too hard, and he was dangerously close to passing out.

"No, really; I felt it pushing against my butt. And it was only seven in the evening," Izuki said, in his normal calm tone, which made the situation a hundred times funnier. Midorima _did_ say that life would be good and he'd be meeting old friends. And Old Friend Izuki had been living the life. Takao was kind of jealous of Izuki. It wasn't everyday that people got to experience such eventful days.

"Moriyama and his boner and his dogs sure sounds like a sad tale."

"Don't you mean, a sad _tail_?"

"Izuki, please. What'd you do after that though?"

"I flipped him the bird."

Takao laughed out louder than Izuki had ever heard him laugh, and Izuki was about to ask the guy if he was okay when they bumped into someone. Takao's sling bag fell to the ground and all the contents spread out on the pavement artistically. The man who bumped into them apologized and bent down to help them gather the things and Izuki recognized him as the cop who helped him get back home that one day he drank a bit too much. Izuki thanked him after getting him to remember who he was and the cop simply said that it was his duty, but Izuki should hold back on the alcohol sometimes too.

They spoke to each other amiably as Takao zipped his bag up. Only then did Takao see something lying close to the dark police guy and he gulped, ready with a hundred excuses if in case—

"Uh, this— is this new? The tag seems to be attached to it."

"That's not mine I just— oh. What? Yeah! Yeah, it's new; one of my friends gave it to me as a joke. Do you want it, Officer?"

Izuki nudged Takao with his elbow and furiously whispered, "Why the fuck do you have a thong with you!?"

"I couldn't help it! Shin-chan wouldn't let me be!" Takao whispered back just as furiously.

"What the fuck? Isn't he the one you've been crushing on since 9th grade?"

"8th grade. But this was a joke, okay? A joke!"

"He gave you a thong as a joke?"

"He said it was my lucky item!"

"Lucky item? That horoscope shit he always talks about?"

"Yeah but—"

"You god forsaken idiot! He totally wants to— uh, never mind. Thank you again, Officer."

When Takao turned to the cop, it was clear that he had heard their whispering too, so all three of them blushed a bit and coughed nervously as they tried to avoid eye contact with each other, unsure how to get out of this weird situathong.

* * *

Kise wasn't sure why he was with Kobori and Hayakawa again this time. He wasn't even trying to run away from those bodyguards anymore.

Okay, maybe he was. But it was all Himuro's fault for making out with Bodyguard #1 — the one who kept eating and complaining about how tiring everything was and how he wanted more food and kept brushing his long purple hair out of his face every ten seconds — right outside his bathroom.

How was he supposed to face him again? So, of course, the only option was to call Kobori and Hayakawa, his young high school delinquent friends, and do dangerous delinquent-y jobs with them.

This particular day though, they were going to stalk the pitiful author's crush or someone. Kise recalled Kasamatsu as a small and cute little man, but by his orders and threats, he seemed to be the opposite. Hell, he might even be worse than the yakuza guy who caught Kobori and Hayakawa in the first place.

It was pretty easy to do the job all morning. The target (getting to call someone _target _was probably the coolest thing Kise would ever do so he was cool with the stalking) seemed to be hanging out with one of his friends and said friend was laughing way too much for a normal person on the streets at 2 in the afternoon.

Kise excused himself for a second as he attended a call from one of the people he'd asked to get information about the police in the city, but Kensuke didn't have any concrete information again. Damn it, all of his friends from Yosen were useless except for looking good. He dropped his phone back into his pocket and went back to his position behind a particular bush.

"What's up? Anything exciting?" Kise asked in a quiet voice.

Kobori shook his head and slapped his hand over Hayakawa's mouth before he started saying crap loudly. Both the teenagers were blocking his view, and they didn't move an inch even though he told them to give him some place repeatedly.

But when they suddenly got up and started running away, he should've done the same instead of going closer to the bush and peeking through the hole in it. But what Kise _did_ was to go closer to the bush and peek through the hole in it.

_Blue._

That was all he saw, until he looked up, all the way up, and saw _him._

"You…"

"I've been—"

"Oh my god."

"W-Why do you have a thong in your hand?"

The cop looked down at his hand and back at Kise and Kise couldn't believe how fast his heart was beating. He met _the guy_ again and Kise asked him why he had a thong in his hand. Brilliant. Wait, why _did the guy_ have a thong in his hand?

And okay, he wasn't so bold. Like, ever. But this was only his second time being around this cop and it made him want to do things he had never, ever imagined himself doing. So Kise only looked at _the guy_'s hand and then back at _the guy_ and whispered, "I can tell you what we can do with it."

And before he knew it, he was walking into a love hotel with a cop right next to him as his heart hammered in his chest.

* * *

Takao wasn't sure if he just saw that tanned cop walk towards a bush that seemed to be moving with the thong given by Midorima in his hand, then pulled out _the_ Kise Ryouta from behind it and walked all the way to the love hotel at the end of the street at 2 in the afternoon. Looking over at Izuki was enough to tell him that Izuki wasn't sure if he just saw all of that either.

"Did we just see something we shouldn't have seen?"

"We just saw something we shouldn't have seen."

"That means I didn't see it."

"I didn't see it either."

"That gave me a shock."

"Because you gave him a thong."

They stood there for a few minutes, contemplating life. Then they started walking again, unsure if life was real.

"Okay, so, this Moriyama guy. Do you like him?" Takao asked, trying to get the juicy details from Izuki and trying to forget about the cop and _the _Kise Ryouta.

This obviously startled Izuki, because he opened his mouth, then closed it, opened it again and closed it and then he blushed.

"You _like_ him!"

"Shut up, Takao. You were supposed to listen to my bitching and laugh at my puns, not give me love counselling."

"You like _him_!"

"O Takao, Takao! What the fuck man, Takao?"

"Did you just…Romeo and Juliet? Takao and Izuki? TakaZuki? IzuTaka?"

"Sounds pretty good either way, doesn't it?"

"I ship it."

"What does that even mean?"

"I don't know. It sounded like a cool thing to say. But yes, this," Takao paused to fake cough and continued, "Moriyama of yours. _You_ like him."

"I don't— I mean, I don't hate him but—"

"You like him!"

"But the pick-up lines! And the—"

"_You like him._"

Izuki…liked him?

* * *

Red.

His hair was red.

And both his eyes were different colours.

And he called Furihata by his first name.

And Furihata was royally freaking out. He knew Akashi lived in a world totally different from his own, but to think that he would own a limo and bodyguards and a scary friend who found everything amusing — including Furihata's plainness like, friend, why? — made the brunette realize that they were really, really different. And of course, Akashi just _had_ to be the heir of Rakuzan Printing to top the was so scared of the difference between them and how lowly he was in contrast.

But Furihata was in love.

Maybe that's why he didn't notice they were now standing inside Touou, the gay bar in the city, and Akashi was looking back at him and asking him if he preferred wine or champagne as that hyperactive colleague of his continued being hyperactively scary.

* * *

Hanging out with Izuki was actually fun, if you managed to overlook his puns and oversmell the cigarette odour emitted from him. Takao wasn't sure how they became friends, but it was sometime in high school when Midorima asked Takao to go along with him to buy a pair of glasses and he met Izuki who had been dragged to the same store by Hyuuga for the same purpose. And one thing led to another and they were best friends by the time their respective friends were done.

"That reminds me, do you still have a glasses fetish?"

Izuki looked up at him abruptly. "What glasses fetish are you talking about? I do not recall ever having a glasses fetish. I think you have mistaken me for another friend who has a glasses fetish. What does glasses fetish even mean?"

Takao laughed out again, in the middle of the street. "You're amazing."

"_You_ are the one with the glasses fetish, my friend. The one with the glasses fetish is not me, my friend," Izuki said solemnly, as he pushed the door to a café and walked in. Takao followed, still amused at Izuki's reactions.

They ordered some coffee and started talking again. Takao was interested in this new character that had popped up out of nowhere, kind of like the janitor in Seirin about who Izuki frequently complained about. It was so obvious that Izuki was still not over Hyuuga even though he'd been trying to tell himself and everyone who cared that he was. They'd told him to confess even if it meant that he would be rejected, just for some closure. But the guy didn't say a thing, and Hyuuga left and Izuki started smoking his life out and puns became his everything.

Mr. Moriyama though. Takao had never seen Izuki so bothered and indecisive and _pouty_ until this new guy appeared and if this wasn't a sign that the cupid in him was being summoned, then the fact that Izuki pointing to their right and making choking noises and constipated faces while mouthing _that's him, that's the guy _surely was.

"Whoa, he's hot."

"Shut up."

"And he wears glasses."

"I've never seen him wear glasses before."

"Should I call out to him?"

"HELL NO."

"Should I go speak to him?"

"I WILL KILL YOU."

"Excuse me, Mori—"

"FUCK YOU, TAKAO."

Izuki was whisper screaming and that only made Takao laugh quietly, and he was so sure that Izuki wanted to punch him. Izuki glared at Takao for a few more seconds before they both turned their attention to Moriyama, and Izuki softly whispered that he actually hadn't seen Moriyama wearing glasses before, and he looked surprisingly, well, good. Takao grinned at Izuki, holding in the urge to tease him. Izuki was the cutest creature when he wasn't smoking or making a pun or swearing like a thug. Okay, there were way too many conditions for him to be the cutest creature but he still was the cutest creature at times. You know, conditionally.

But then Izuki's face hardened a bit and Takao noticed a waitress next to Moriyama, touching his shoulder and Moriyama looked slightly uncomfortable, but Izuki seemed to be taking it in the wrong way and Takao wanted to laugh because Izuki looked like a kid, jealous and all. He wondered if Izuki would finally be moving forward to the next page. Maybe he would finally be leaving Hyuuga behind. Maybe he would finally be learning how to fall in love again.

Both of them were basically the same. They never confessed and they never moved on. But if Izuki was to find love in the most unexpected place, Takao would be the happiest one for him. And maybe he'd find some courage too.

"Oh! Right, before I forget. Come closer, Izuki."

"Huh?"

Takao pulled Izuki by his collar and quietly told him what Imayoshi told Takao that Moriyama had told Izuki the first night they met. Then he laughed and gasped for air as he watched Izuki turn ten different shades of red one after another.

* * *

Kise had done many things in his life but, well, sleeping with an absolute stranger? This was a first for him.

Aomine. Aomine Daiki.

That's who he was. You couldn't blame Kise, he just had to look at Aomine for a second and that was it. Kise was gone.

So when he curled his body closer to himself as he reflected on what he had done, he felt something moving behind him and he yelped as he jumped three feet away until he was on the floor and recognized the man and said, "A-Ah, it's you!"

Aomine scratched his cheek a bit. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay? Need a hand?"

"No, that's alright. G-Good morning?"

"It's evening but yeah, good morning."

Kise was melting okay. He was melting into a puddle of pain and love and too many feelings. Honestly, Aomine's smile made him want to stab himself for ever thinking that there was no one who could smile better than himself. How would things go from here on, Kise had no clue, but this was happening and they were here and _together_ and he was in love.

He slowly looked up at the blue haired male on the bed as he sat back down on it and when their eyes met, Kise's heartbeat started accelerating again.

"So, I-I'm not sure what happened but—"

"I think I— well, I-I'm in love you."

Kise kind of died. Nope, not kind of. He simply died. He wasn't sure if all this really happened or if he was having a well framed and perfectly structured and completely vivid dream, but he chose to believe that the dark haired man sitting in front of him looking at him seriously was real and true and he blushed, embarrassed when he finally understood the position and place he was in.

"Aomine— Aominecchi, I love you too okay. BYE."

Kise ran towards the bathroom, only to have his foot caught by Aomine, making both of them fall onto the floor and after wincing and grimacing, they laughed like the idiots they were, blushing all the way up to their ears.

* * *

Takao had been kind enough to leave after they killed more time and he was done teasing Izuki with made up songs about Moriyama and him. What surprised Izuki was that he was actually getting embarrassed by thinking about those freaking songs. Really, the whole _Izuki and Moriyama sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G_ should have made him so mad, but it made him feel all, what's the word, _flustered _or something. And he was never going to speak about what Takao told him as they were leaving the café. No one could ever speak of that again.

So of course, the next thing to do was to drink and rant to Imayoshi, and that was exactly why Izuki ended up going to Touou after Takao had left. And by the twisted, sadistic will of some unnatural force, Moriyama was sitting right there, chatting away with Imayoshi and Izuki didn't want to know what they were talking about, so he looked for another place to sit, but Miyaji seemed to be talking to some creepily hyperactive guy and wait…Furihata. His junior. From his department. And Akashi. From Rakuzan Printing Press.

_Why._

So Izuki was forced to sit next to Moriyama, in spite of that strange feeling he got on recalling the way that waitress was talking to him and touching him back at the café. Imayoshi greeted him with that annoying smirk of his and Moriyama started stuttering and Izuki could kind of imagine how awkward it might be for Moriyama, considering how he had a boner that Izuki made direct contact with in the middle of the road while he was walking four dogs the last time they saw each other.

"You seem to be having eventful days, eh?" Imayoshi asked from the other side of the bar counter as he passed Izuki his usual drink.

Izuki waved him off and didn't speak much after that. Maybe because the person he wanted to rant about was sitting right there. Or maybe because Imayoshi spent way too much time talking to the new bartender there, Sakurai or someone, and Moriyama seemed to be doing his best to not turn and look at or say something to Izuki.

Minutes passed and Izuki had probably thought more in those minutes than he had in the past entire year and it was finally fucking time for him to get a nice big gold crown for being The King of Bad Decisions because he called Imayoshi again and told him to pour him another drink, which Izuki then pushed to Moriyama and quietly mumbled, "That drink from the first night we met."

Silence followed for a few seconds before Moriyama started sobbing right there and Imayoshi laughed like an old man and Izuki finally realized one thing:

He was fucked.

* * *

Hayama was the most annoying little shit in the world, according to Miyaji. The first time they met was when Miyaji was sent to Rakuzan for some work, and he saw Hayama talking with some feminine guy and Miyaji thought how cute Hayama looked in comparison. Until, of course, they got introduced to each other a few minutes later and Miyaji realized that just because people _looked_ cute, they weren't _actually_ cute.

And now, after weeks, they were reunited and Hayama had become the one person Miyaji hated with a burning passion.

He'd been getting better at controlling his anger since his high school days, but this guy seemed to be pissing him off with every small smirk and every single word. The only reason he was here was because he wanted to be the third wheel in his friend's date. Miyaji wondered who in their right mind would _want_ to be a third wheel. It didn't make sense. But then again, nothing about Hayama that Miyaji knew until now made sense.

And when Hayama slowly passed Miyaji his number scribbled on a paper, for the first time in his life, Miyaji felt the uncontrollable urge to kill someone (preferably Hayama) with a pineapple.


End file.
